yeahh im emo right now forr suuuuure.

i'm copying madison. i needed to do this though. i kind of have a boyfriend. his name is warren but im not sure if we're going out b/c im just not. i went to a party last night with him though& a girl asked if we were bf& gf & he answered yeah, but i think he might have jsut been saying that to make me not feel so awkward. me & him have gone out 2 times before but i broke up wiht him for no good reason. his mom hates me. i dont know why. im really shy around her like i am most parents. she told warren to stay away from me b/c she heard about the fight & him getting maced & davids car & said its all my fault. but everyone cant like me can they & its ok b/c she doesnt know me personally although it would mean alot that she did like me. ive only had one long relationship & that was with samir & we went out from november 28th to like august 15th. thats 9 months. i loved him & would have done anything for him, but got scared of how much of my life i felt like i was giving away & we broke up. he says he is still in love with me but it's almost been a year since we broke up & i think he's not in love he is just stuck on what we had together. i went out with a boy named spencer & got depressed over him. i made a really bad decision with him that i wish i didnt. he wants to be my friend again. thats what he said last tiem we broke up though & i know i dont want what we had. there is this guy named josh hatcher. he lives in mobile. ive never met him but ive talked to him for like 2 years. i tell him everything almost, except about boiz. i think he would get mad.if he lived in birmingham i think we would be dating... cant stop thinkin about warren though he is like my best friend. i ccan tell him everything & not act one bit shy around him . he said he was going to call me back in 5 minuted but its been more than 5 hours so i guess that means he's not callin me back. my mom livees in gulf shores. i have four brothers. one of them is in prison. one of them lives in my garage. one lives in pensecola & one lives in selma on my moms land. i own a house in selma & in birmingham. my mom has a lot of land in selma. i wish my mom acted like a mom or likeshe acts when im leaving her to go back home. i wish she payed child suppost, i bet i'd have more clothes. i feel sorry for mydad b/c he has to raise three teenage asswipes. i've made some bad decisions. im not as good of a person as i used to be. i wish i had the same relationship that elizabeth &troy have. i wish me & madison had the same relationship that we used to. i miss margot& her mom being my mom. i love being with mr roberts when he's drunk. the other night he taught me how to drag race & how to off road & i was good at it too. my brothers gf is the meanest person i know.he got her pregnant but the baby died. i really miss my brother ryan. he's supposed to get outin 2007 but my mom says "i dont want to talk about it" every time i ask. i have a good life. i like to have fun. if anyone says something about me, it makes me sad but i pretend it doesnt b/c then youll feel stupid. i've tried to go annorexic, but its insanely impossible. when a teacher calls on me at school, my face turns red. i wish i were in love. i'vebeen used a few times. i like to share all of my secrets with tiffany. she's my best friend. i wish madison was my best friend too. i wish i had a guy bbest friend. im jealous of girls with guybest friends. i think that all of warrens homewood friends are cool. they make me jealous though. maggie is thecoolest one most definately. i've been drunk before. i dont want to die. i want grandkids, & i want to give them all my money. im not happy with myself at all. i had braces cuzmy teeth were messed up, but then i got my braces off & my teeth were pretty. i lost my retainer& then i got a Gap. when i got my retainer back it didnt fix them. my orthodontist & dentist are tlkaing &i am either getting my teeth bonded or somewire stuck back there. i think if i had pretty teeth & lost 10 pounds i'd be pretty. i like my hair. i needa cut though. i hate my legs. i'm fat. i dont wear concealer or powder cuz i think it looks badwhen you can tell people have make up on. i waer eyeliner & mascara though& i look sleepy wihtout it. its 5:30 & i need to sleep but i can't. i wish my life was easy. i wish i was smart. i hope i get my life back in line & recommit sometime soon to god but im so scared of the commitment. i suck at school. i cant pay attention. i hink i have add or some learning disability but my dad wont take me to the doctor. i have a bite on my foot & i think its a chigger. boys are gay. i love corvettes. mr roberts friend jeryy has one.its yelow. i am in love wiht it. i also love lil john. not the rapper, mr roberts friend. i love playboy too. he is so sweet & is havving a baby soon. im gettin a celica during spring break next year. i wish i could geta car when i turn 16, but my dad has to wait till he gets a raise b/c me & liz have to get seperate cars. i might not be able to go to college until after elizabeth graduates. she is smarter than me & it would be too explensive to pay for two people to go to college. i want to go to hawaii though wiht liz troy & tiff. that would be cool. im tired, so im going to sleep.

viv.